How good it would be if I understood you

 　　One of the more common pains in interpersonal relationships is that the other party does not understand them, so they feel wronged and angry.

　　Some people are eager to meet someone who can understand themselves. Their idea is: I don't require the other party to have a house or a car, I just hope to meet someone who understands me. This is said as if understanding you is easier than owning a house and a car.

　　I have read a beautiful article called "It would be great if you understood me", which wrote:

　　Everyone has a blind spot, which

　　they cannot get out of, and

　　others cannot break into.

　　I put deep secrets there.

　　You don't understand me, I don't blame you.

　　It feels like a mistake for others not to understand you, even to the point of "I don't blame you". This article was very popular at the time, because it expressed the real needs of many people: If you understand me, it would be great.

　　To be understood is the deepest expectation of many people. That feeling is that I have sealed myself in a corner that no one cares about. I hope that someone can open it quietly, and I hope that someone can see my inner soft self through my indifferent appearance. I don't have to speak, this person knows and attends to my inner needs. What a beautiful expectation that was. If there is such a person in this world, it must be my confidant or lover. "A scholar dies for his confidant", no matter how much I pay for this person, I am willing.

　　Some people's desire to be understood is stronger than their desire for fairy tales. We still know that fairy tales are illusory, but they always think that there are really people in this world who can get the feeling of being understood.

　　2

　　It is good to be understood, but what kind of good is that? Why do some people need to be understood so much?

　　Because other people's understanding can make my life easier: if he understands me, I don't have to think about how to express it; if he understands me, he can accompany me with high quality; if he understands me, he can help me The difficulty is solved; if he understands me, I only need to breathe like a baby, and all needs can be met, and I don't have to feel so tired.

　　Human beings are constantly improving the level of science and technology, and artificial intelligence has become popular. Letting technology replace people's thinking is to make people live more effortlessly. Being understood is such a labor-saving way.

　　So why save effort? Because it is too difficult and too bitter to be alone. Bitterness and loneliness need others to understand, because it is difficult to understand. Happiness hardly requires others to understand, because it is so easy to understand that there is almost no need for others to understand; moreover, even if they don't understand, it doesn't matter much.

　　Being understood is a way for people subconsciously to escape the suffering of life. The harder life is, the more I long for someone to understand me, for someone who can lead me, accompany me, protect me, and help me, so that I can live like a baby again. The feeling of being understood is the feeling of being spoiled like a child.

　　Babies are eager for their mothers to understand, because they are powerless about life. Babies can't do anything and depend on their mother for survival in all aspects. Babies cannot speak, so mothers will use natural sensitivity and tacit understanding between parents and children to discover their needs, complete the step of understanding, and then satisfy them unconditionally. This feeling is so good that we subconsciously form the idea of ​​living this life all our lives.

　　Being understood is just a lack in your heart, a lack that expects someone to regard you as the center of the world.

　　Three

　　However, it is still difficult to be understood. "Someone can understand me" is just a beautiful bubble. Because understanding another person consumes oneself.

　　For the mother, the price she pays to understand the baby is not small: she must give the baby a high degree of attention, put down her career and housework, put the baby in an important position, and patiently guess and understand. To learn, to consult experienced people.

　　The premise of understanding is to focus on the other party, attach great importance to the other party, temporarily put aside one's own small world, and fully participate in the other party's world. This is very draining on people.

　　Being understood is a moment of happiness for you. For someone who understands you, it takes a lot of energy.

　　Experience varies.

　　If mothers want to understand babies, they need to have good experience of being understood, and mothers need to rely on themselves to secrete nosoamine hormones. It’s hard enough for moms; not to mention that when you grow up, get in touch with society, and start gaining experience outside of the family, people don’t know your background, your experiences, your Features, how difficult it is to understand you. If you want others to understand you, you must overcome the influence of your own experience on yourself and let yourself go.

　　It is really difficult for others to expend so much effort to ponder the "little nine nines" in your heart. Even your mother can't still understand you so well when you grow up.

　　Four

　　This is not to say that it is impossible for others to understand you. If you want others to understand you, you must learn to help others save the cost of understanding you, including letting others know:

　　what do you think;

　　what are the difficulties you encounter; what

　　do you need;

　　why do you need this.

　　For example, you long for company. You have to let others know by expressing: why you need to be accompanied, what makes you feel sad when no one is with you, what kind of company you need from the other person, how to accompany you, whether to talk to you or listen to you, or Give you advice, why you need this kind of company and not that kind of company.

　　It might sound difficult. Isn't it just companionship! Is it so complicated? Of course, everyone's understanding of companionship is different, their needs are different, and their methods are different. The more foreign you are to yourself, the more difficult it is for you to express yourself. How much you know yourself is how many ways you can express yourself.

　　It's like telling someone a math problem. How skilled you are is how easy it is to speak. And if you only know a little bit, you will blame the students for being stupid.

　　Of course, if you express it like this, others may not understand it, but it will increase the probability of understanding you. Some people don't understand your heart, and some people don't understand your emotional intelligence. A more precise expression is just to help those who are willing to understand you understand you better.

　　Fortunately, I believe in the kindness of this world. When you express your inner pain, there are still many people who are willing to understand you. The premise is that understanding you does not bring too much burden to others.

　　Don't think that a person who loves you is willing to spend energy to understand you. In this kind of asking, no amount of love will be consumed.

　　Five

　　Then you will find that after you understand yourself, it doesn't matter whether others understand you or not. More important than whether others understand me is whether I understand myself. You are the one who can understand yourself; you are the one who "if you understand me, how wonderful it would be"; you are the one who understands the thoughts in your heart, knows the true secret in your heart, and will not deceive, betray and leave their own people.

　　You will find that communicating with yourself is actually a wonderful thing. The reason why we long for someone to understand us is because we don't understand ourselves.

　　When you can understand yourself, you can find many ways to work hard to meet your inner needs. If you need companionship, and you know what kind of companionship you need and why, you'll know how to find it. If you need comfort and you know what comfort you need and why you need it, you can easily find it.

　　The process of understanding oneself is the process of growing up and the process of maturity. You see the world through the eyes of an adult and stop expecting someone in the world who can understand and satisfy you unconditionally like a mother—you can be your own mother.

　　6.

　　When you can understand yourself, and you can jump out to see the world and other real people, you will find that you are not the only one in the world, everyone is the same. When people grow up, everyone exists as a lonely person in the world. Everyone longs to return to their infancy, and everyone longs for someone to understand themselves unconditionally. Both men and women crave attention, someone who can satisfy them when they don't have to work hard to express themselves through words and actions.

　　At this time, you will realize: if he comes to understand you, who will understand him? Both of you need to be understood, who will satisfy who first?

　　Everyone can only be responsible for themselves, and everyone can and should be responsible for themselves.

　　If you want to love him, then you can look at him with the eyes of an adult, no longer close yourself in a corner, open your heart, and then feel his breath, his heartbeat, and be curious about him. Make a connection and feel what's inside him. You will find that he also has a fragile heart waiting for you to see. You will be amazed at the fragility of human nature, you will feel distressed, you will be moved, and you will want to love that fragile heart like a mother, just like you see a sleeping kitten on the roadside, you can't help but touch and take care of it. Then, you become the one who understands him.

　　The result becomes: If I understand you, it would be great.

　　A heart that is understood will be slowly repaired and softened, and then willing to open up to others, like a little turtle put in a safe environment, slowly poking its head out and looking at the world. Therefore, when the gap of needs in the other person's heart is also filled, they will turn to you and look at you, so that hole in your heart will be filled even more.

　　This is true love: the cup overflows. Then the other person's water glass will be filled with love, and it will be fed back to you.

　　Seven It is extremely difficult for

　　two people to become adults at the same time. When you meet someone who is willing to treat you as a baby for a while, you are a happy person.

　　No one can understand you all the time, but through expression, you can let others understand you at a certain moment. By stepping out of that corner of yourself, you can see and understand others.

　　The beauty in the world is nothing more than:

　　being understood by others;

　　understanding yourself;

　　understanding others.

　　Only the first one is a baby, only the last one is a saint, and all three are normal people.

　　The person who shouted "It would be great if you understood me" was just a person hiding in a corner and asking for it. Instead of this, it is better to go to the sun, be a giver, and be a person who illuminates the corner. In this case, you are the richest person in the world.