Existence

 　　A few years ago, before I was preparing to board the plane at the Beijing T3 terminal, I saw Lu Siqing, a famous violinist, sitting in the middle of a row of passengers, looking around, very leisurely and a little bored.

　　I walked over and said hello, "Are you alone?"

　　He nodded and said, "I'm used to it."

　　He didn't have any luggage, not even a bag. On the empty chair beside him leaned against an old piano case whose leather was cracked.

　　"It's safe for you," I said. "No one would have thought that such an old case could hide a valuable violin." I vaguely remember him telling me that it was a Stradivarius violin A famous piano provided to him by the association.

　　He said calmly at the time: "It's worth a few million."

　　I didn't know the piano, and I was afraid that poverty would limit my imagination.

　　I remember that day, after a brief chat with Lu Siqing, we waved goodbye. As I walked to my boarding gate, I was envious in my heart. This is the best state - he has done well enough in his professional field, and the recognition of the market and music fans is enough to satisfy a person's desire for honor, The healthy thirst for money and fame, and the unique attributes of classical music also determine that there will not be too crazy and breathless pursuits and obsessions in this field.

　　This is just right, allowing a person to sit in the middle of a group of people calmly, not arrogant, but not anxious or flustered, comfortable and confident.

　　Forget which movie it was, in which an old-school British high-society woman said that one should only be in the newspaper three times in one's life: birth, marriage, and death, or it's tacky. This kind of attitude full of obvious superiority is a bit annoying, but her aloofness is not unreasonable, because her life circle and values ​​determine that staying away from the public is the safest and most decent way of life. Her sense of existence does not need to be given by the front page and gossip. Her wealth, status, and privilege have already made her exist in an incomparably superior way.

　　Before my friend Helen sent a circle of friends, the original text is as follows:

　　I freely admit that I am not very young, but I am not old either. I believe this state will last for a long, long time, and I think this is the best state of my life. In a person's life, the period between youth and old age is actually the longest and the best, and the one that we should like the most. But we do live in a society that worships youth and hates old age, but if you can live up to your spirits no matter how old you are, you will surely find that you will live better and better, far beyond adolescence good.

　　Her remarks moved me and touched my heart.

　　Many readers have left messages saying that people's sense of existence is given by themselves. I can only say that I agree with it to a limited extent. I try to exist in my own way, but the sense of existence really depends on the feelings that other people's evaluations and affirmations bring to me. All I can do is choose to care or not to care about this feeling. A person who is calm and indifferent to the world also needs some kind of recognition, not necessarily important, but not irrelevant.

　　I often think that the sense of existence is really a bad thing, you can't see it, you can't touch it, it comes and goes without a trace, it is difficult to deal with, difficult to handle, difficult to serve, and it will be broken if you are not careful. Our moods, ups and downs, look at its face, just like the song sings: We are so unfair, love and hate are all controlled by you. This is the big test of life.

　　I hope that one day I can be like Lu Siqing, like that old British woman, or like my friend Helen, in my own world, to define my own winning and losing criteria.

　　Once I got off the plane to Hong Kong, when I checked in at the hotel, a middle-aged woman in a sleeveless dress next to me really startled me. Her figure was very similar to what I had interviewed and seen in news pictures. Anorexic. She must be aware of the strange eyes around her, but she still went through the formalities there naturally and calmly, without wearing long-sleeved trousers and trying to cover her body, she just stood there and bravely accepted her existence.