Tolerance is more important than freedom
Young students are asking: Is it okay to hate your mother/daddy/grandpa/grandma?
Time and time again, the reasons are not exactly the same.
Mom looked at my QQ space and sent screenshots to Moments as a joke. Has she ever thought about how I feel? I also have space for my privacy; my dad himself does not seek to improve himself, what qualifications does he have to educate me, I hate him; my grandmother patriarchal, hid all the good things from childhood, and left it to the grandson of the uncle’s family, and always separate I bullied me, and when I retorted, I talked back; I sometimes annoy my mother and sometimes my grandma, can they not quarrel about some boring things every day...
This is a complaint that can be spoken out. , There are more and deeper words, sometimes unclear and unable to express, like muddy water overwhelming.
And I quietly listened to all the complaints, confessions and confession, and then said: accept it.
Accept that your favorite people are imperfect, incomplete, and flawed. They are all ordinary people. They are definitely not the most holy sages, not the kind of parents you desire.
You are sad: Isn’t it said that having children is the second evolution of parents? Why have they not made any progress?
Accept your grievances against them too. They are the people who love you the most. You don't think you should see their shortcomings, but you do. You are puzzled: Isn't true love all about loving each other? Why didn't you do it?
Psychologically, "lie" is regarded as a sign of children's growth. Infants and young children will think that they are one with their mother. Whatever they think is what their mother is thinking, so it is completely transparent. When a child can lie to his mother, it means that he/she already knows: he and his mother are two independent people, and the mother may not know his own feelings, thoughts, and real life.
So, again, the negative emotions towards the elders are also part of this growth, that is: you gradually discover a different outlook on life and values from them.
For example, you will ask: What qualifications do you have? You no longer think that a person can have power over you by relying solely on the identity of "mother".
This is the first step, you see your own existence.
So, maybe the next step is: you also need to see the existence of "them".
They do not exist by your will, they have their own love and hatred. You will see your own powerlessness, and you will gradually realize that your parents are just like you, but humans. The nature is determined in childhood, and the development of personality is also limited by heredity, education and fortune. Decades of wind and rain have created an indestructible outlook on life. .
Times are changing with each passing day, and they stumbled with each other, and their original ideas may be out of date and rigid. But-there is an educational philosophy that "encourage children to be themselves", then, can parents just be themselves and not keep up with the times? There is a bowl of chicken soup called "People who applaud on the side of the road", saying, "If children don't want to race, they just want to applaud on the side of the road, it's good." Then parents don't want to go on the road at all, so what's wrong?
In the beginning, you were a child who didn't want to be changed by your parents. Later, you might understand: Why do you want to change your parents?
Among all human emotions, family affection is the most special one, because it is the only one that can "love while bothering you". You can bother your parents and family, but still love them. You can even bother yourself, but still be a self-loving person.
Because tolerance is more important than freedom. This is a requirement for both parties. Those who are children must accept the unacceptance of their parents and tolerate their unacceptable, because if you lose them, you will not give up; hurt them, you will not bear it.
Just like a parent, you must do it first.
Scarcity and abundance
A friend, who just got the festival fee-a bunch of new cash, happily took pictures for us to see. She happily said: Last year it was four hundred, this year it has risen, and it is one thousand. She herself had a low degree of education, and she came out to work very early. Later, by her own hard work, she took a little bit of self-study for college undergraduate studies, obtained an accounting certificate, and entered the office as a white-collar worker. So she was very satisfied with her situation. He is almost forty, and his monthly income is less than 6,000.
Another child, a real child, has only graduated for a year and raised his opinion of going to work: there is too little money and too many things, and the leadership has been changing the performance standards. I asked him: how much income is available. He said: Get between nine thousand and five to ten thousand.
I said: This income is not bad. He said: Everyone earns more than me.
——You are only twenty-three years old. In the workplace, everyone is older than you and everyone has more work experience than you.
So I was thinking: scarcity and abundance. Many post-90s generations have never been scarce or tired. But because of this, they cannot taste the taste of abundance and feel no comfort. They lie in a long and broad comfort zone, but they lie all over, full of complaints, and five-ridged six beasts.
Is it that you can't feel willingness without suffering? Can people be born in abundance, calm and happy and feel their own possession? Maybe it's not. People can neither know what they don’t have, nor feel what they have. People can only feel what they want but don’t have.
